Farewell Spencer

Oh hi Bakey,

You sure looked great in that picture that one elder posted on Facebook. I keep looking at it and get made fun of when your brothers catch me. It even annoys mom. But hey, in my defense I might know a little more about the challenges and growth you are experiencing than they do. 

Speaking of…I’m going to tell you a little about my week and maybe you have felt the same way. I’m going to tell you not because I think this is affecting you or because I’m even worried about it. But sometimes I go through bouts of depression or anxiety. I think I have my whole life  and I never really knew what it was. I don’t like to really acknowledge it because I honestly think everyone goes through it and I just have to endure it. It sometimes hits when I’m lonely or not doing my best, either personally or professionally. I was missing your mom this week, she was at girls camp, and work’s been so busy I’m kinda skimming over some stuff and it’s stung me a little with my boss. Nothing major mind you, but it still really bugged me. So I was feeling off, feeling not myself, not sleeping, just feeling like something was missing. Then I thought about what you told me regarding how you feel sometimes. Maybe it’s similar, maybe not. But that feeling I recognize as depression, at least for me. I think everyone feels that way from time-to-time. Some people feel it more often, and then some people have it all the time, it can be super serious. Sometimes it can be triggered by something that happened, and sometimes it just happens. My dad used to get it, I never really noticed it in him until after my brothers accident. I have other relatives that get it sometimes too. I’m only telling you this so that you can recognize it. When you start to recognize it you can start to manage it. I believe in today’s world so many people have it but hide behind it or use it as an excuse. I think it is important to acknowledge it and even get help for it when you need to. But for most of us, we can deal with it as long as we know what it is, and as mom says, ‘just get over it”. For me, I do a few things when I get to feeling depressed. I tend to isolate myself a little, that’s not always the best strategy but for me it allows me to think through the situation. It also makes it a little easier to not be mean to those people around me who love me. I try not to stay in that mode too long, because it can be dangerous to be self isolated too much. Next I double down on the spiritual things I do. Sometimes, I’ve gotten a bit lazy with those things leading up to my depression and I search and strive for a better outlook through the scriptures, conference talks, and prayer. The temple is important in this process too. Mostly those spiritual things just bring comfort. Then I try to be patient with myself. Just give it time to pass and trust that the feeling will go away. It always has, but sometimes it’s hard to be patient. And then there’s the tough one, faking it. Usually depression makes me even less willing to be social, even more introverted. But it’s important to make myself do things that I really don’t want to because inevitably those are the things that help restore me to normal. There are other things I do too. I make sure I sleep even if I have to take a PM. I eat even though I’m fat, I try to be physical which in my way means going for a walk or doing a project around the house. I also do what is probably the opposite of scriptures and I crank up Van Halen, def leopard, or Led Zeppelin in the car. Just to get some energy into me.

Like I said earlier, this may or may not be what you feel sometimes. But when I felt depressed last week I thought about how you described your feelings. I could have used your words to describe my depression. I know many of my suggestions for how I get over it are not feasible for you as you serve, but I’m sure you can find your own that will help. Piano may be one. I also want you to know that feeling depressed on your mission is pretty normal, I’m sure you’re not alone. Mostly I want you to know that feeling depressed is in no way an indication of God’s lack of caring for you. It’s a physical part of life like fatigue. Again, this may or may not be what you are feeling. Just be aware of it and be patient with yourself. If it is, you can overcome this too.

Enough of that. It’s been so hot here that we haven’t done a ton worth note. Friday night me and your brothers went to see the new thor movie. My review—meh. I’d didn’t make me angry but I don’t need to recommend it either. I’m kinda sick of conference realignment talk. Nothing is going to happen till after the season is my opinion. It’s looking like the jazz will likely trade Mitchell to which the general response is, who cares. There’s a rumor that Ben Simmons may end up here, which will take my hatred of the jazz from passive to active.

Spencer’s farewell was today, he did a very nice job. We went over to his house for snacks, and we’re about to leave for his setting apart. Then we’re running back to feed moms side for grandmas birthday. Hooray. Finish this later.

Okay, mom’s family came over for grandmas birthday. It was a lot, just a lot. Uncle Tim and aunt Lithia stayed till almost 10:30. Which I actually enjoyed till I realized how late it was. According to mom we just had baked potatoes, which in the world of mom and grandma meant that the entire kitchen was full of food. My favorite was grandma’s chili.

Spencer had a nice blessing for his setting apart. I felt bad because there must’ve been at least ten men close around in that circle, and it was hot. The stake President said lots of nice things in his blessing, some of them three or four times, so it was long. Thin as he is, Spencer must have some strength in his neck, my hand was about half way deep in the pile and I was getting tired. My head was dripping by the time it was done. Ben scooted out quick to avoid any hugging or hand shaking.

It’s pretty late so I’ll leave this here. Love you kid. I truly think the world of you. I told uncle Justin that it’s so gratifying to see the growth that you guys go through while serving. I see it in you every week.

Lyity,

Pops