Grandpa memory

Response to Jacob's late night letter here: https://jacobmaxmission.blogspot.com/2023/03/grandpa-memory.html

Jacob, that was such a sweet letter to write. I think the biggest mistake we make is to think that the best people in this life are more perfect than we are. I firmly believe that is the core reason we are commanded not to judge. We don’t know what others are tempted by, we don’t know all of their mistakes. We judge people we love lightly and we judge ourselves harshly. Grandpa wasn’t perfect, even president Ballard is not perfect. But we admire them, they are our examples, and we love them. As you fight the battle over the natural man, continue to love and focus your efforts on others. But most of all, love yourself, at least as much as you can.

Remember that we’re taught that our sins are forgiven when we serve others, our sins are forgotten when we bear testimony, or sins are forgiven when we do work for the dead. I believe we will be judged more on the intent of our heart than we will be on the weaknesses of our flesh. I believe satan wants us to focus on our selfish mistakes and minimizes our understanding of our value to God. It might be your OCD taking, or it may be your humility and understanding of how far you have to go. But it’s probably the fact that you are deeply saddened at the loss of the person that you share a name and a birthday with. You are doing it alone as we are supporting each other here. It will be hard for you and that sadness is a testament of your love for your grandpa. It’s okay and actually important to be sad. Don’t hold those feelings back too much, that sadness and grief is an important part of emotional healing.

I told you about the experience grandpa had when he was in the hospital. He came to a door with all colors and brightness emanating from it and an intense feeling of love, joy, and acceptance. He looked me straight in the eye and told me that when he saw that door next he was going in. As he struggled with his physical body last night he fought hard. My understanding is that dying of heart failure is like drowning in your own body. Grandma described his last minutes as loosing that fight for breath, but as he took his last one he opened his eyes, and smiled. He was accepted into that love and light. That, I believe, is a true manifestation of how Christ feels for us, and how we feel for Him.

Jacob, this whole life is fighting that drowning feeling of our physical tendencies so that we can find the joy and love of Christ. These last 20 months you’ve learned to become a strong swimmer, in a spiritual sense. But you’re swimming in deep water and every once in awhile, like today, a big wave knocks over you. Now and in life you gotta cough out that water and keep swimming.

It was a big wave today, there will be others. But just like grandpa you’ll keep swimming until someday, far, far in the future you’ll also come to that door and you’ll know that you are a worthy and loved son of God.

I know this Jacob, and I Love you with ALL of my heart.

Pops