Dad ramblings

 Oh hi Bakey,

My family is over for dinner tonight. Mom made he chicken chipotle pasta, sooo good. She also made sourdough and Rhodes rolls. I helped her make marshmallow brownies. Aunt patti brought this amazing fruit salad wit fresh cherries. They all ask about you and thy love you. Right now I’m down in the movie room with Artie and Max and Ben watching interstellar. 

This week has been interesting in terms of Teagan. It’s on my mind almost constantly. I can hardly think about you boys without thinking of the Brown family’s loss. Thursday was the viewing. There was a long line through the church with high school kids, ward members, family, and neighbors. Joey came with mom and I. The whole time we were in line I was racking my brain to come up with something comforting to say to brother Brown. It was a really strange experience to come into the relief society room where the open casket was. I didn’t know Teagan really well but he impressed me as a nice kid, big brotherly type to the boys in the quorum. All you boys radiate life, and youth, and potential. All you boys are beautiful in your own way. Life prepares us to see older people in those caskets. People who had the opportunity to experience life and joy and families and trials, and years and seasons. But seeing an 18 year old in the casket was jarring. He looked really good, there was no evidence of the accident. He did look at peace. We got to talk to his grandma first, who was very kind and very sweet. Then I got to brother Brown. I put my hand on his arm, looked him in the eye, trusted the Spirit to put comforting words in my mouth. Nothing, I had no words, I could only connect to him non verbally. I could see the pain in his eyes, but it wasn’t just pain, I could see him looking to comfort me, looking to comfort all of us. The whole family was like that, even Wyatt. I think I’d feel lucky to constrain myself to a blubbering mess in that situation. But there was strength there, there was faith there. It bolstered my own testimony of the plan of salvation. I hope I don’t ever have to demonstrate that kind of faith, but I hope that I have it.

The next day was the funeral. Mom had to work and Joey had lagoon day, so I was on my own. It was pretty crowded with a the same mix as the viewing. I sat next to bishop Marchant. Once again I didn’t know what to expect. Brother Brown gave the Eulogy. It was the perfect mix of love and admiration for Teagan. There was an expression of love for those who were with them when he died. There was no sense of blame. He told stories of Teagan, some of which he didn’t know before about the influence his boy had. He testified of the plan of salvation. I think the Brown family is not all active, I imagine there were non members there too. I wish everyone who has lost someone could have experienced that eulogy. The thing that really stood out to me was when he told his other sons, individually and by name how much he loved them. That really touched me because I had such survivors guilt when my own brother died. I knew that my parents loved me, but all of the emotion was directed at him, which of course it should have been. But I felt my own pain, I felt that I wanted an escape from that grief. Brother Brown’s words even soothe me now.

Then Garett spoke. It was a really amazing tribute to his friend. It was fun and it was hopeful. I don’t know Garett that well, and the little I know of him is that he’s always been polite to me personally but pretty mischievous generally. Bishop Snarr told me that he had been dead set against a mission. I think I told you last week that he decided that he needed to go. According to Bishop that even through all this he was still planning on going.

The rest of the service was really great too. It’s weird to tell you that in regards to a funeral. When mom asked me about it the best way that I could describe it was to imagine that an LDS Hollywood producer put it together with a professional script writer and music producer. The cousins or sang a quartet and they had Alex Boyé sing a solo. 

I’m not sure if I’m telling you all of this because I think you’d be interested, or if I just wanted to write down my perception and thoughts of it. Losing a family member is my biggest fear, even though it’s inevitable part of life. I sorta take it for granted that I’ll be the first to go. But I know thats pretty selfish and that anything can happen. I also hope that my faith could sustain a trail like that. Now, every time I feel sad because I miss you I feel even more grateful for where you are and what you are doing. I look forward to the day you come home but I love to see your weekly growth. I love my boys and I know brother Brown loves his too.

Well, enough of that sad stuff. The last two weeks have been filled with sadness and funerals. But life is really good right now. My job is going well and I think I’m valued there. Mom didn’t get that job but she seems okay with that. I think she would have really missed the children and I think her main objective was to make connections at the district. You know what a positive impression she makes. Ben seems really happy with his new job and he seems to be more than up to it. Joey is working a lot and he always seems to come home happy.

Monday night we went to weed grandmas garden. She made us hamburgers for dinner so I think we’re the ones that came out on top of that one. We’re going to try to plant her garden on Tuesday night. 

Tuesday we celebrated Ben’s birthday with Thai food. We ended up going to the place where Joe’s buddy Caleb Wetzel works. Joey was a little embarrassed but it seems like he and Caleb are pretty good friends from the way Joe was giving him a hard time. Mom doesn’t always get that about the way men treat their friends.

Wednesday we had young men. The kids all wrote notes to the Browns and the Blattmans. The church needed to be cleaned for the viewing the next day so I vacuumed and Joey emptied all the trash.

Friday evening mom and I went to dinner with my cousins Estrella and Clary. Cousins are the best.

Saturday was mostly shopping and yard work. But we did go to lunch with Joey and grandma at Cafe Rio. Artie had a party for the cousins from your generation at his house that night. Mom and I didn’t go but Ben went. Ben is getting much more social and outgoing around my family. It makes me very happy.

We had a family camp out planned for dinosaur National monument for early June. But Ben’s not quite ready to take a whole week of work this early on, and I don’t blame him. So we may try to go to bear lake later in the summer instead.

In mid June uncle Aaron and I are planning a trip around his home town in western Idaho and eastern Oregon. I’m leaving the trip planning to him, so I hope it works out. I am just looking forward to sleeping under the stars and sitting in front of the fire.

Next Saturday I’m going with bishop to scout out a camp for the priests summer activity at a church camp near Brigham city. I’m doing my best to support him, I’m afraid it’s because I never want to be bishop.

Well dude, this letter was probably more for me than for you. Just know I love you.

Pops