Discontent vs. Unhappiness vs. Lack of Testimony

Oh hi kid,

This is just a quick letter because I'm thinking of you. I'm at the office and I'm kinda burnt out. I've been fasting for you today so obviously you are on my mind. I prefer fasting at work because the pantry, candy bowl, and fridge aren't there tempting me. But I do feel a little tired, not going to lie.

I came up with that title because I came across a short video a former colleague put out talking about discontentment does not equal unhappiness. He's this guy I used to work with that has turned himself into a motivational speaker of sorts. Most of his stuff is a little trite, but I know him as a good guy and I like him so I linger on his posts. Today's post made some sense. There are times in your life when you want more, or at least different. There are times when a change is imminent, and you're not looking forward to it or it's too far away to be active on. Joe is feeling that right now and I think he's feeling a little better now that he can actually actively work on it. One can can be also be discontent because they are not living up to their own expectations or desires. I often think i feel discontent more than I feel ambition. I feel that in my life when I've wanted or need more that discontent is thing that drives me to ambition. 

I guess what I'm trying to say Jacob is that the way you feel might not be a completely bad thing. sometimes in life that lack of contentment can drive you to do what you need to do. I used to feel that way about so many things. Dating was never easy for me but I liked girls, so I felt discontented and lonely enough to drive me to get a date once and a while. I wasn't the most talented artist at the U so that feeling of discontent drove me to working harder or trying to actually be smarter than the next person. Even professionally, sometimes I've been miserable in my jobs which has motivated me to get a promotion, get a new job, or just work harder. 

It wasn't 'till i was a little older that I figured out how to incorporate the Lord and prayer into that process. I would casually pray for what I wanted, but it wasn't until I started recognizing when the blessings came that I felt like I could see His influence over my desires and prayers. That came when I could finally see that my prayers were always answered but seldomly in the way I assumed they would be. I was always pretty naïve about what I thought I needed, but the Lord seems to know, and give me, what I really needed.

I'm not sure what you need to do right now, seems like you are engaged in your work, seems like you are getting along with your comp and your zone and stuff. It seems like you really love the people there, which is what I'm most proud of. I sorta wonder if, in your excitement to come home, you are reluctant to leave your missionary life, that may actually feel confusing to you, because its so opposite of what you thought you've wanted this whole time. 

I dunno Jacob, it's probably not appropriate for me to try to diagnose you feelings, I can only project what I went through in my time and how my thinking tends to work. Just know that you can be active on changing how you feel. Ask for help even if you don't think you have the faith to make change. And remember, when you feel fear or frustration, that's satan working on you. When you feel joy or peace, even in tiny glimpses, that the Spirit, that's your Heavenly Father.

I don't mean for this to be a lecture or a judgement or anything, I've just been there, sometimes more often than I like to admit. I just want you to know that how you feel is not the lack of testimony. Even a trial of faith isn't a lack of testimony. Sometimes it's just a trial. And if you trust God and yourself you will be stronger when you are able to overcome that, or any trial.

I sure love you kid, I admire you and I have complete faith in you.

pops