1st Sunday

November 18, 2018,

Dear Ben, 

It was a pretty quiet Sunday, we stayed home after church. It was the first time we ate at the table since you left. Mom wanted me to sit by her, so Jacob took your spot. It felt a little awkward. Weirdly, we had a bunch of rolls left over.

I’m sure you brothers told you about the Utes winning the South by beating Colorado and Oregon having beat ASU.

I’ve been preoccupied thinking of Brother Allen, so forgive me if my letters are a little melancholy. It doesn’t seem like we can do much for the family, but I’m sure the opportunities will arise. I hope I can hear the Spirit when it does. Sister Allen wrote an amazingly brave testimony, which I’ll paste at the end of this letter.

I’m looking forward to the thanksgiving holiday, the MTC Mission President Councilor (sure would be easier if I could remember his name) we met at Mark’s wedding told us about Thanksgiving in the MTC. It sounded nice, if not homey. Make the most if it, I promise that you’ll remember it you’re whole life, and it will be a pleasant memory for you.

Your Drivers License came, which I know you are super excited about. I’ll send it to you this week.

I love you Benjamin, we figure you have to have a P-day sometime in the coming week and we sure look forward to hearing from you.

Dad

P.S. Reason #5 to be glad you’re not here: Jacob threw the football in the house, I’ll leave the outcome to your imagination.

Posted on Sister Allen’s Facebook page: For those who may not have heard - last Friday morning My Robert was on his daily morning run along the Jordan River Parkway Trail when he had a massive heart attack. He was found on the trail by a passerby - whom I still  do not who it was (would love to know). Around 9:37am Heaven welcomed home a glorious protector of family, patriot of freedom, and humble son God..... I have often referred to my Robert as my better 3/4, I was wrong, he is my everything. A dear friend of mine said "it was hard to know where one of you started and where the other one ended"  - With Robert's passing, that oneness has left me broken, numb, and without words to fully express the devastation to my heart. He is my whole world, my safe place, my comfort and strength. With him and my dear Lord I felt there was nothing I could not do - with out him, I feel so lost. I could go on and on of the feelings and emotions I am going through - but, reading this back - it does not even come close to quantifying the experience of seeing the doctor turning towards the viewing window, with his team of over 30 people working feverishly on my Robert to save his life, and seeing  him shake his head "no" - ... that moment my mortal experience changed forever... but please let me be clear. I have had the confirming knowledge that when everything of the world is gone - two truths remain intact:   1 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - with the restored truths, covenants and ordinances that give perspective, hope, faith, and VISION to what is real is the greatest gift that our LOVING Father in Heaven has to give. That with the Holy Ghost to comfort and our Savior to heal - I can be made whole again. For me it will take time, it will absolutely be a process but, I will heal, and I will be with my Robert again - we will hold each other again and we will rejoice in that glorious reunion. and 2 - Family is the great treasure that we have to hold. In the book of Mathew it speaks of "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" - My treasures have all surrounded me, upheld me, prayed for me and cried with me. I told my treasure-Steven, as we sat alone in the hospital room before they took my Robert away - that we will come to know the meaning of 1 Nephi 1:20 on a whole new level. The second 1/2 of the scripture reads "I, Nephi will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty, even unto the power of deliverance."  - As the literal offspring of God, all of us need deliverance from this mortal experience. None are exempt from devastation. I have not questioned, nor asked "why my Robert?" - I have NEVER at any moment felt anger towards my Heavenly Father or my Savior. I know them. I love them and I know they love me. I know my Robert fought to stay with his family - I watched him fight. But I also know that no matter what, he would have ultimately followed Father's plan - and like our Savior - after having asked to have had the cup removed, he accepted the will of his Heavenly Father.  I know there is a plan - the Plan of Salvation, also  known as the Great Plan of Happiness - My decision to follow that plan was made many years ago.  - this has not shaken that decision - quite the opposite - it has solidified it.  I am so very grateful for a solid family - a family that immediately surrounded me, and each other. I watch as the waves of emotion come and go, how someone will run to the other and then the tide turns and soon the other one is holding the other. We are family - we are children of a loving Father in Heaven - His spiritual children  going through a mortal experience. I will continue to fight through this life - running as fast as I can with the sword of truth held high until it is my turn to go home - then with JOY and elation I will RUN through the veil into the arms of my Savior - thanking Him for his glorious atonement that I reverence will all of my heart - then I will fall into my Roberts strong arms where I hope to remain for all eternity. Till we meet again my love - till we meet again.