Go All the Way

Go all the way — Charles Bukowski

“If you’re going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise, don’t even start.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days.

It could mean freezing on a park bench.

It could mean jail.

It could mean derision.

It could mean mockery — isolation.

Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.

And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

It’s the only good fight there is.”

Oh hi kid,

Today was the day of failed starts. 

Our sprinkler valves were leaking, much like last year at this time. I replaced an o-ring and diaphragm on one valve to no avail. So tonight I dug out the box and all the mud around the valves. If I’m lucky it will dry out enough tonight to spot the leak.

Monday when joe and I were on our way home the pig just stopped running on the way down iron horse. We coasted all the way home. (By the way, it’s super hard to steer and brake when that happens, but you can, just muscle it hard. In case that ever happens to you.) So yesterday I drove it to see if it would reoccur, oh boy did it ever. It died several times,starting on the freeway. I had to pull over several times to restart it. I’m 90% sure it’s a fuel pump, I’m 98% sure I don’t want to charge the fuel pump. To do so, one needs to jack up the vehicle, remove a myriad of hoses, connections and straps, lower the tank, remove and replace the pump, then put it all back together. I did this on the Cherokee...twice. I’m not super excited for a third, or fourth time. I’ll use my code reader to see if it may be something else, something simpler. If not, I’ll be tempted to scrap it. Only problem is, Jacob’s on the verge of getting his license, I’d sure like it to be running, reliably that is, for him.

Yesterday Jacob was riding my bike to work. The chain skipped when he was shifting (I think he shifted late and then powered through during the shift, derailers don’t like that so the chain came off and jammed, throwing him off the bike and making him late for work. Luckily there was no permanent damage to the bike, or him, with the exception of a flat tire.

Last week while riding mom’s old bike he did the same thing, but he broke one of the little derailer gears. I ordered a new part, but I broke my chain tool tonight putting it back on. The march goes on.

Also today I had a sacrament meeting speaker back out, so I spent a bit of time finding a replacement. I did get that resolved thankfully.

Grandma brought us fried chicken tonight, it was good. Uncle Tim left me a really nice voicemail. So many people are praying for us Ben, praying for me. I’m so grateful for those, some days I need them. Seems like this weeks a little harder with everyone gone to work and school and Oakland. 

I did get back to the temple today, I hadn’t been for a while. I had two initatories to do and since it wasn’t crowded I got done quick. I really love the promises given there.

Well, that’s about all I got tonight. I sure love you kid.

Pops